An Intimate Relationship With God 1 – Know That I Am God

As a kid when I heard about Jesus I was always fascinated about His great miracles especially the changing of water into wine, In my imagination of the parable I could almost taste the sweet water-turned-to-wine, whereas in reality at that time (I was probably 5-6 years old) I had not tasted wine and I was also awed by the miracle of the multiplication of loaves. However this would always make me wonder how those miracles happened and whether I would get to see Jesus do things like that again. One thing I did know that Jesus was fond of children so that gave me comfort as a child.

As a grown up teenager, I still had great fascination for the things Jesus did, but by then other things began to occupy my mind: studies, sports, games, hobbies etc. And so year after year I had dreams, goals and other things that would constantly occupy my mind and that took away Christ from me. Not until about a year after my marriage did I even consider about Jesus. However by this time the situation was different and Sylvia & myself, we both were desperate for a miracle from God and we knew that we had gotten so away from God and were in such a crisis in our life that only a miracle could change things.

This is what happened, we got married in January 2005 and just about 4 months after our marriage Sylvia was going through torturous thoughts that were driving her crazy. We sought medical help and she was under diagnosis for a couple of weeks with all sorts of tests and finally the doctors proclaimed that she was suffering from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I left my job with a view to being able to attend to her condition. At that instant the doctors gave us hope saying there was a good possibility that within 3 months of medication she would be all right, and I thought that a 3 month break from work would do me good. So we started with the medical treatment that included drugs that would put her to sleep and when she was awake it made her terribly hungry. But for the major part of the day, she felt she couldn’t just keep awake, she would sleep almost 16-18 hours a day; moreover the drug dosage would increase every 2 weeks. The situation got hopelessly out of hand, with her gaining excessive weight in no time as well as several other side effects which I have not mentioned here. For Sylvia, her life seemed to be going down the drain and she was now getting suicidal. At such a time, I fell under all this strain and I began to develop a nasty backache which began with a sharp pain that would initially last only a few minutes and occur maybe like twice a week. But over time as the situation with Sylvia was getting out of hand, my back pain grew more and more intense. It was now nearly 6 months of medication for Sylvia, she was bloated and could hardly remember things because of the drugs, very irritable and still suicidal. To complement that, my back pain would now last almost the entire day and was so intense that I could hardly stand or sit or even sleep, no position was comfortable for me, to make matters worse I would get these aches nearly every alternate day, I tried some medication but that wouldn’t help. The doctors were clueless. The best relief I got was from using the hot water bag on my back that would not eliminate the pain but the sharpness of the pain went down. By the way, just before this trauma began we had bought a new house in Mumbai and were glad to move in; not knowing what was in store for us. Of course this also meant that we had monthly EMIs eating up our savings along with the medical expenses. I cried out to God for help and someone recommended us to attend a spiritual retreat.

This was where, for the first time in our lives we experienced God and we felt like small kids crying out to Him to save us and He never disappointed us. We both were touched by Jesus and felt like new, and slowly but surely everything was restored. Sylvia was miraculously healed from her sickness; I experienced a physical healing and felt a sensation through my back and torso and knew that I was being healed at that moment and since then I have never ever felt that pain again in my life. Many other miraculous signs and wonders happened at the retreat, but the main experience was that our relationship with God was being restored. After this God led me to a job that required us to move and settle in Pune.

Since then I have had a great desire to know more about this God whom I had abandoned but who Himself sought me, rescued and restored me. Many people said that to know God I would need to know what His Word says about Him and His Word is found in the bible. I began reading the bible with that in mind, but most of the time it was my job that would take away my time, so I found it difficult to study God’s Word and understand what I read. Moreover other things in life meant that, though I had a love for God, He was not yet my top priority. However in the last couple of years I realized this and sought to change my priorities, I tried to make God my no. 1 priority in life, but the more I tried the more difficult it seemed to become. My job became a hurdle for me to spend more time with God; my work was hectic and left no space for me in my personal life. This was when I heard the Lord say to me “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” [Matthew 11:28] and “Come away by yourself to a lonely place and rest a while” [Mark 6:31]. I knew it was the Lord speaking to me, but I just did not know how I could respond, until recently when I felt the Lord telling me to leave my busy work aside and spend time with Him. How could I ignore such a calling, I was longing for it and made up my mind to leave my job and spend time studying His Word.

Be Still And Know I am God [Psalms 46:10]

This brought me to Charis Bible College to study God’s Word and what it meant for me personally. I felt like God was answering my prayers when I asked Him to reveal Himself to me, He was saying “You wanted to know more about me and wanted Me to reveal Myself to you, so here’s where I will show you who I am”. The truths that I learnt here about God and that how He is so infinitely good really set me free. I felt liberated from the religion that I had been under. Religion is man’s ways to reach God and is never able to give us a clear picture of this wonderful God we have, but God made a way to reach out to us by giving us His Son, Jesus, so that He could provide for us a path to reach Him, see it’s the other way round. It is God who is interested in us more than us being interested in Him. This led me to free my heart of all misconceived ideas I had about God and I wanted more of this too-good-to-be-true God and have a really intimate relationship. There was never a shadow of doubt that this was God revealing Himself to me, I knew and believed it with all my heart and I could feel myself like the disciple John who rested on Jesus’ bosom. I felt safe, secure and close to my Lord just like in the song “So close” by HillsongIn case you haven’t heard it I have included the song lyrics here:

I’m so secure You’re here with me.
You stay the same, Your love remains here in my heart.

Chorus: So close I believe You’re holding me now,
in Your hands I belong. You’ll never let me go;
So close I believe  You’re holding me now
in Your hands I belong, You’ll never let me go.

You gave Your life and Your endless love.
You set me free & show the way now I am found

Bridge : All along You were beside me even when I couldn’t tell
and through the years You showed me more of You, more of You

I believe this intimacy in my relationship with God has only just begun and I know there’s a lot more in store. I challenge you to give God your topmost priority and experience it for yourself and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free [John 8:32].


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